At this stage of my life, I’m starting to trust what pulls me—and walk away from what doesn’t.
At 71 years old, I seem to be getting both more adventurous… and more difficult.
The other day, I was on a New Jersey Transit train, heading home from a three-hour cabaret class in Manhattan.
Already a slightly ridiculous sentence for a 71-year-old man.
Somewhere along the way, my phone rings. It’s my brother.
“Are you going to shul tonight?” (last two nights of Passover)
For most of my life, I would’ve said yes.
Not because I wanted to.
Because… that’s what you do.
This time?
“No. I’m not going.”
And then I said to him:
“I’m just too old to play this game anymore.”
Now, plenty of people love shul. They find meaning, connection, even joy in it.
That’s just not me.
And I’m starting to realize:
The cost of doing things that don’t feel true is getting higher.
And my patience for pretending is getting lower.
At the same time, something else is happening.
I keep getting pulled toward things that make absolutely no logical sense.
A three-hour cabaret class in the middle of the day.
Trying to do a handstand, at my age! (as if I’m training for Cirque du Soleil!)
Running 9 miles… and actually enjoying it.
Thinking about taking a month off after my next show, going to Europe, and just writing.
Even considering biking from Berlin to Prague or hiking to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro.
None of it is practical.
All of it feels right.
And then there’s the other side.
The things I’m starting to walk away from.
Things I used to do out of habit.
Out of expectation.
Because I thought I was supposed to.
Even in my work.
People say, “Why step away from mortgages? You’re good at it. It’s safe.”
They’re right.
But it’s not me anymore.
I’m noticing a pattern.
I say yes to things that feel uncomfortable, uncertain—even a little ridiculous.
And I’m saying no to things that feel flat, obligatory, or just… not for me anymore (or maybe never were).
Maybe this is what changes as you get older.
Not that you suddenly become wiser—
But you become less willing to ignore what you already know.
So here’s the question I can’t shake:
Why do I keep doing things that make absolutely no logical sense… and yet feel completely right?
And maybe just as important:
Why did it take me so long to stop doing things that just don’t feel true for me anymore?
That’s where I am.
Somewhere between a cabaret class, a possible bike ride across Europe, and a quiet refusal to live on autopilot.
It may not make sense.
But it feels right.
