Half Dome Elevation of 10,500 Feet—One False Step and It Would be Over!
My penchant for fitness vacations started about 10 years ago when I took my sons on a four-day backpacking trip to Yosemite National Park. I’d always wanted to go to Yosemite, and I felt that I was finallly fit enough to take the challenge of camping out and hiking uphill with a 35-pound backpack on my back. I really wanted to become infused with the magnificence of nature. And, beyond the the beauty of natural surroundings, waterfalls and forest, the pinnacle and highlight of the trip was going to be the final sunrise climb up Half Dome—a steep, 5,000-foot climb up solid rock to the summit.
From a distance, it didn’t look so intimidating. It was only a “hike” after all and besides, the REI guide told us that for the “most part”, at least towards the top of the climb, there would be some railings to hold onto as we ascended. His assurance about the railings relieved my apprehension about the danger of the climb. He went on to mention that he had taken well over 50 groups on the sunrise trip and never had he had any mishaps (thankfully, he didn’t say fatalities). It was only much later on, well after we had returned to New York, that I had heard of several falls from this hike resulting in immediate death).
https://www.inkedwithwanderlust.com/california/halfdome4reasons
So, the first three days were exhiriating. Words can’t express how spectacular the views and vistas were. Thankfully, we were were blessed with the most incredible July weather that I’d ever experienced. The waterfalls were not only visually magnificent, but also provided a moistening respite from the dry mid-day heat. I learned how to pitch a tent, finally got comfortable sleeping on the ground, and surprisingly for such a City Slicker as myself, going without my morning Starbucks wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.
So, at 3:00 AM on the morning of our final ascent, we got up, broke camp and after a very quick breakfast, started out, with headlamps on and spirtis high, of making it to the top before sunrise. Climbing step by step with no peripheral vision whatsoever except the illumination of our feet in front of us, was quite unsettling to say the least. I kept talking to my kids in order to ease my nerves of tripping or falling over a rock or loose dirt. True—there was somewhat of a path upward, but what if I lost my balance, what if I slipped on the loose dirt or gravel, what if some wild animal darted out at me and I got scared??? (By the way—there were no “wild animals at that elevation—it was just my wild imagination that was getting the best of me).
So, step by cautious step we ascended, and I was feeling pretty comfortable —that is until we we got to the steep, slippery and unending 45% granite pathway to the top. Where were those cables that the guide told us about? Nothing, nada, zilch, to hold onto. “Don’t worry, our guide told us” —-your boots will grip the granite and stabilize you”. Really??? I thought to myself, “he’s got to be kidding”. And now, although still not sunrise yet, the light was such that my quick glance to the left and right revealed the horrible abyss below. No path, no cables, nothing—just pure rock. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t going to be so bad, after all, I had trained for this climb for months working out on a stairmaster with a 25-pound backpack on my back!
The rational side of me kept trying to overrule my anxiety—and it wasn’t working. What if I fell, what if my kids fell, what if we all fell?? Fear clenched at my heart like a vice, and every step felt like a daring dance with danger. The vertigo-inducing heights, combined with the relentless pounding of my heart, painted a vivid portrait of my visceral terror. Every glance at my fearless children’s eager faces only intensified my fear that this adventure might take an unexpected, perilous turn.
I was now sweating profusely, and I was starting to shut down. My pride of not wanting to disappoint the group kept saying “go”, but that feeling was at war with my body that kept saying, “stop, you stupid schmuck, this is way too dangerous— you’d be a fool to keep on going”. I became paralyzed at this point—I knew I couldn’t go on. I was so disappointed, so upset, so nervous, so sad and downhearted. In sum—I was not the macho man I wanted the world to see. Quite the opposite—I completely fell apart and everyone saw it on my face. I had just let everyone down.
Unfazed by all of this, our group leader called out to the others of our group and asked them to take a short break (the sub text of this request, of course, was so that he could deal with my panic). He calmly and reassuringly told me not to worry because every single Half-Dome guide is thoroughly trained in anxiety panic attacks and that they always carry with them enough anti-anxiety drugs for at least 4-5 people in the group. He said he’d used them on every single trip he’d taken to the top; and then went on to say, quite matter of factly, that a couple of pills and a 20-minute break for the medicine to take effect would definitely do the trick. Furthermore, he reassuringly let me know that the medicine was so effective that my panic attack would probably start abating within minutes.
So we all sat down, I took out my water bottle and gulped down the two pills he handed to me. My kids came over to me to tell me not to worry, the others in the group did the same. They all confided in me that they too, were pretty darn anxious. In hindsight, I think that these were white lies, but at the time, I wanted so badly to believe it that even if they told me that there was a concession stand at the top of the Dome, I would have believed that, too!!
The short rest and the pills surely worked their magic for I was starting to feel much better almost immediately. I became animated once again and thought about the magic of medication, but our guide wasn’t convinced I was ready yet. I wanted to move on, but he wanted to be cautious and said we’d need to wait for the full effect of the medication—he said another ten minutes would do the trick. So, we all took out some trail mix or protein bar, had a few laughs (even me!) and waited.
When he saw that I was ready, he indicated to all of us to proceed and so up we climbed, step by step. Within minutes, I saw the steel handrail gables that were going to guide us onward and upward. I felt such an incredible sigh of relief. No more fear. Something to hold onto. Safety finally!! By now it was nearly 5:00 AM and there was a deep pink-reddish hue of twilight cautiously appearing and although we still couldn’t see the top, we knew it was somewhere close by. The handrails seemed to go on forever, but that was just fine with me— with each catious step, I held on for dear life, simultaneously praising the National Park Service for installing them so many years ago.
Onward and upwards we climbed—easy-peasy with those cables. And then, abruptly, they just ended about 20 yards from the summit. With only a short way to go and much less of an incline, we didn’t need them any longer. We made it and it was still a few minutes before sunrise. The plateau was safe, level, and quite large and as we all marveled at the magnificence of the sunrise, we all agreed that it was one of the most amazing sights we’d ever seen.
We were the first hikers at the top, so we had the plateau all to ourselves, but we knew it would get crowded soon. After resting awhile, and after quick breakfast, and tons of photos we started back down.
I never would have thought that going back down was going to be hard, but it most certainly was—ankles, knees, and feet all ached by the time we got back to our campsite from the night before.
And when we arrived, we all thanked our guide for one of most amazing trips ever. And then my son asked him: “by the way, what was the name of the anxiety medication that you gave my dad?”. “Oh, that”, he said with a mischievous grin, “I carry it with me on all of our trips—Extra Strength Tylenol”.
Thank God for the placebo effect!! After so many trips and experiences, the hike up to Half Dome remains one of my most memorable adventures ever!!
